Streets, bus stands, railway stations, parks and other public places should be for everyone to access and enjoy. Yet for many women they are the scenes of harassment. Everyday women face systematic assault on their fundamental right to free movement and personal dignity.
As Seema walks down the street, a group of men makes comments about her face and figure–“Hey, what a figure!” “Is it 32 or 36!” She walks on without comment annoyed at the intrusion. Then the comments get nasty–“you bitch!”
Sudha is standing in a queue for a bus. Suddenly she feels a hand grab at her breast. She looks around but isn’t sure who did it. She feels violated and too stunned to say anything.
Kavitha notices a man following her on the way home from work. He stays quite a distance back but is there day after day. One day he comes closer and calls out. She is afraid and changes her route and travel time to avoid him.
Sexual harassment at public places is unwelcome, unsolicited behavior of a sexual nature including staring, gesticulating, touching, passing comments, trailing. These may not seem to be a big problem, but they can be quite upsetting. It makes women feel ashamed, humiliated or frightened.
This is a myth. Several studies done around the world show that women of all ages and wearing all kinds of clothes are vulnerable to harassment.
A study done by NIPPCID for Delhi Police showed that 82% of the women who were part of the survey were wearing everyday, non-provocative clothes when they were harassed (salwar kameez, trouser –top, saree)
This is a commonly held perception. The issue is not of one’s class but of one’s mindset, which allows one to harass women believing that women are easy targets
It is not possible to have one single strategy to address this. It is important to make a judgment on the spot depending on the context.
Learn to say ‘NO’ loudly and clearly. Prepare a stock sentence (like “Stop staring at me”) and practise saying it to yourself until it becomes a reflex. If you are harassed, repeat it again and again till you feel confident to use in public place.
Learn to communicate confidence in yourself. Look straight at people who accost you and speak clearly and calmly in response. Show others that you are aware of your rights and space.
If you are in a bus the driver & conductor can be approached for complaints. As per law they should assist the victim by accompanying them to the nearest police station.
Carrying with you safety pins and learning self defence techniques can be helpful.
If you are being harassed regularly it is better if you inform the same to your parents/friends. It can be therapeutic and supportive. Many women face this problem and understand what you are experiencing.
Sexual Harassment affects all women in some form or the other. Lewd remarks, touching, wolf-whistles, “looks” are part of any woman’s life, so much so that it is dismissed as normal.
Working women are no exception. In fact, working women most commonly face the backlash, to women taking new roles, which belong to male domains especially in the organized sector. In the unorganized sector also it is widely prevalent. Studies have shown that sexual harassment is still endemic, often hidden, and present in all kinds of organisations. 40-60% working women face harassment at working places.
Revathi worked as Secretary to Ramanatham, the chairman of an export promotion council. He asked her to accompany him to the business centre of a five star hotel. At the business centre, he tried to sit too close to X and touch her and did not give up even after she protested. He also tried to molest her in the elevator.
Janaki did not reciprocate Vijay’s love and avoided him. She began to receive crank calls from him and later from his friends/co-workers. She started feeling very uncomfortable in the presence of vijay and her colleagues and her participation in official/non official gathering gradually reduced. Her lack of participation is being noticed by her senior and her performance was getting affected.
Rithika working in an MNC avoids sexual advances from her manager. As a result she is given disproportionate amounts of work and is ultimately bypassed by her junior male colleague for promotion. When she protests, the boss blatantly tells her that “everything is in her hands only”
The best way to prevent sexual harassment is to adopt a comprehensive sexual harassment policy. The aim is to ensure that sexual harassment does not occur and, where it does occur, to ensure that adequate procedures are readily available to deal with the problem and prevent its recurrence.
1. Keep records: Keep track of what happens in a journal or diary and keep any letters or notes or other documents you receive. Write down the dates, times, places, and an account of what happened. Write down the names of any witnesses.
2. Write a letter. People have successfully stopped sexual harassment by writing a letter detailing the behaviour that is offensive and asking the person who is harassing them to stop the behaviour. The letter should be polite, unemotional, and detailed. Such a letter seems to be more powerful than a verbal request. The recipient of the letter seldom writes back; the person usually just stops the behaviour.
3. Set your own boundaries: Say “NO” emphatically and clearly when you are asked to go places, do things, and respond to questions, or engage in situations that make you uncomfortable. Do not worry about offending the other person or hurting his or her ego. Take care of yourself first.
4. Be aware of situations and people who may harm you: Don’t ignore other’s warnings about particular people or social settings. Acknowledge their concern for you and for themselves.
5. Take a colleague or sympathetic seniorinto confidence so that you have reliable witness to stand up for you when it comes down to your word against his.
6. Don’t confuse the company with the individual. Just because one person has made life miserable for you, it doesn’t mean that the company is at fault.
7. If those in authority,act against him swiftly and firmly, then absolve them of blame and move on.
India’s new worldly women, the country’s younger generation is shedding submissive attitudes, aiming for higher education, careers, and longs for freedom and want to live independently. A number of sociological studies show that young Indian females now prize financial independence, freedom to decide when to marry and have children, and have glamorous careers. The boom in software industry especially BPO’s has given employment for not so qualified girls also.
Single women still an oddity in India. But young, single Indian women face different challenges than their male peers. Renting an apartment is the major difficulty for them as the owners tend to think that she will bring plethora of male friends home. However, we thought we should guide all those who prefer to live alone.
IPrathiba Murthy, a BPO employee in Bangalore was raped and murdered by a taxi driver.
The principal of a government school in north Delhi raped a Class 10 student of the school. The principal, who was also the girl’s private tutor, took the girl to three cronies of his. The four eminently respectable men – a school principal, a vice-principal and two businessmen – gang raped the 16-year old girl during the night. The next morning they sent her back to her parents.
Banwari Devi, a dalit and working as saathin in government programme of Rajasthan was gang raped by a dominant caste in front of her husband. She was preventing child marriages amongst Gujjars. The perpetrators thought she must be “taught a lesson….â€Â
For every twenty six minutes a rape is committed in India and out of which 30% are against minors.
The concept of marriages has changed. And, not just for men. As a woman, ideally, your life partner should be someone with whom you can share interests and who will encourage your independence. As with any relationship, friendship is the key. Good communication from the beginning will help ensure that yours is a lasting, loving partnership.
Now take a look at how to go about looking for these characteristics in the context of marriage.
The first thing to keep in mind is to make a list (at least mentally) of attributes you would want in your life partner, so you can focus better on your search. Depending upon your preferences, some factors that might be taken into consideration (not necessarily in this order) are -job, salary, educational qualifications, appearance (looks, height, weight, etc.), caste, horoscope, values (traditional, liberal or moderate), habits (drinking, smoking, etc.), location, family background, social standing, etc.
It’s best to spell out any preferences beforehand, so your parents can search accordingly and the list can be narrowed down. This way, you will save your parents’ time as well.
Deciding to marry someone is one of the most important decisions of your life. If you are confused, unsure or awkward, don’t fret — so is the other person. Just a few things you can keep in mind when you meet your could-be significant other:
Wear something that is both flattering and comfortable. Try meeting away from relatives. Choose a neutral venue like a café, shopping mall etc.
Don’t approach the meeting with the mindset that you have to marry this person. Don’t think you’ll be sure to hate him either.
Before meeting, try getting in touch with the person over the phone or through e-mail to prepare you, to some extent, for what to expect. During the meeting, keep an open mindset. Relax and just be yourself. Don’t hesitate to discuss important issues. Afterwards, think calmly and give yourself time to assess. Although this meeting may not indicate if this is ‘the’ person you should marry, it can certainly tell you whether you want to get to know the person better and take a step forward.
If, at any time during the meeting, you realize it won’t work, keep your cool, be polite, and try to keep it as short as possible. Trusting your gut feeling is the most important — if you feel something is not right, it probably is not.
It’s perfectly okay to ask any questions you have in mind. But remember, timing is the key. For example, it can be outright insulting and offensive if the very first question is ‘How much do you earn, both net and gross?’
Sometimes, information is not offered voluntarily and one hesitates to ask. But, if the answer to a question is important in taking matters further, there is no harm in asking. Maybe the person you ask will feel offended. But, when you are taking such an important decision, you have to take that risk. Isn’t it better that they feel bad now, rather than you feeling worse later?
Follow the checklist given below
Although researching the boy’s background might seem painstaking, it is very important.
The difficulty of researching goes up a notch when the boy is abroad, especially if you don’t have any friends/relatives to help you out there. This was the case with one girl, who married an NRI in the US only to discover, when she got there, that he had a live-in American girlfriend.
These days, it is not uncommon at all to have had a previous relationship. It depends on many factors like the type of relationship, duration, feelings, etc. As long as it is a thing of the past and he is now committed to his marriage, one should not mind.
However, finding out about a potential partner’s previous sexual history is next to impossible. Asking such personal questions will seem too embarrassing. Indian marriages involve the whole family and private information coming out in the open could have severe repercussions, so some may not openly disclose this aspect.
Both partners getting a blood test specially for HIV is absolutely a MUST. If the boy’s side feels offended, help by telling them that you are convinced about getting it done yourself too. One should also check up for a history of hereditary disease in his/her family? Does he/she suffer from an illness that requires constant medical attention? Actually, it is difficult for the girl or the girl’s side to ask this, but isn’t it better to be safe than sorry.
There are cases where, out of hesitation, marriages have taken place without such insistence, based solely on the goodwill of the family. The boys have been discovered to be HIV-positive later.
Finally, there should be mutual consent and understanding from both sides; only then can a marriage be sustained. It is important that you like your prospective partner enough to marry him. Good arranged marriages occur when the parents support and help their children find life partners.
Get photo copies of important documents like
Now a days to have easier methods of getting married, young generation register themselves on various matrimonial sites. These sites enable to find match to the needy people. It also saves the time from going one place to another. But before registering onto these matrimonial sites always check credentials of the site. We tell you how;
Get photo copies of important documents like
One of the most common ways you can detect if your partner is cheating is by looking out for changes in his day to day routine and behaviour. If your partner is having an affair it is quite likely that he will start acting differently. This is because we all settle into certain routines when things are regular and normal so it is only natural that if something changes in our lives then things get thrown off course and we start doing things differently. These changes in your husband’s routine can be giveaway clues that he’s seeing someone else but can be so easily missed
These signs of a cheating husband appearing now and then may not mean anything in isolation, but if you notice a number of them happening with a pattern, you should take them as a warning signs that there’s probably something wrong going on. You must take corrective steps to save your marriage.
After returning from work, school, travel, or whatever has separated you: Begin with a good greeting.
Choose and speak words that are positive, avoiding negative ones.Give her your attention when you speak to her or she speaks to you.
Joke around & have a sense of humor.
Play and competing with each other in sports or whatever.
Take her to watch permissible types of entertainment
Do whatever you could as an individual to help her, especially if she is sick or tired.
The most important thing is making it obvious to her that you appreciate her hard work.
Prepare a cup of tea or coffee or milk, for her when she is sick or tired.
Sit together while drinking the cup of tea, looking at her.
Specifically in family matters, do not neglect her.
Give her feeling that her opinion is important to you
Make her feel dignified and respected by you.
Don’t reject her opinion right away.
Be willing to change your opinion for hers if it is better.
Thank and encourage her for helping you with her opinions
Choose good people to build relationship/friendship with
There is a great reward in visiting relatives and pious people.
Pay attention to own behavior and manners during visits
Do not force her to visit whom she does not feel comfortable with
Allow her to visit her parents/siblings/relatives and also friends
Allow her to attend Marriage functions, Wedding Parties, Matrimonial MattersConduct During Travel :Offer a warm farewell and good advice
Ask relatives and friends to take care of the family in your absence
Try to stay in touch with her whether by phone, e-mail, letters, etc
Take her with you to any marriage function and/or wedding parties you are attending
Bring her a gift! At least some sweets and/or Flowers
Avoid returning at an unexpected time or at night
Tell her that you were not happy to depart from her
You need to be generous within your financial capabilities
You should not be a miser with your money
Even for a small piece of bread that you feed her by your hand
Feel her needs and make it a habit to give her before she asks you of anythingj
Practice hygiene removing always be clean and neat.
Dress yourself up with available fine cloths
Never quarrel in the bed room. All insults and injuries caused to the relationship during the day time must be medicated and healed on the bed. Keep in mind that insults and injuries inflicted upon to the feelings on the bed could not be cured anywhere else.
Avoid disclosing private information such as bedroom secrets, personal problems and other private matters to anyone else.
Do not insult her before anyone and behind her
In case of need consult with appropriate Doctor and help her to understand the gravity of the situation
Take her to visit her family and relatives, especially her parents.
Invite them to visit her and welcome them
Give them presents on special occasions
Help them physically and also when needed with money, efforts, etc
Keep good relations with her family after her death if she dies first
Keep giving what she used to give in her life to her friends and family
Avoid excess jealousy, which could damage the relationship. Examples of jealousy are:
Analyzing every word and sentence she says and overloading her speech by meanings that she did not mean
Assuming things which are actually not mean.
Preventing her from going out of the house when the reasons are just
Preventing her from answering the phone
Having doubts on her without proper reasons.
A healthy relationship requires commitment, love and empathy. Love makes you do things that you possibly couldn’t have imagined to do otherwise. There has to be lot of understanding between couple since that is the foundation of your love. Following are a few tips that will help you overcome all the troubles in your life and build healthy relationship.
Friendship is the sole basis of a healthy relationship. You and your partner should be best friends in order to keep the love and trust alive in you. There are many things, which a partner cannot possibly solve but a friend can. So try to be your love’s friend as well.
Don’t keep things to yourself. If you have a problem then it is best if you speak it out and make your partner aware that you are unhappy about a certain thing and that you need to resolve your problems. Don’t think that your partner will come to know what’s going on in your mind and he will understand that you are going through turmoil inside. Don’t make this mistake. Talk with your partner and resolve your problems.
You may be a busy person and there might be things that are really important. But don’t forget one thing that nothing can be as important as the person you love. Don’t ever commit the mistake of neglecting your partner because once insecurity and loneliness creeps into the life of your partner, it will be the end of everything.
Good sex is an important part of your marriage. It will help you come closer to your partner and help you to understand him/her better. Making love often will keep the passion alive in your relationship, which is very essential factor of a healthy relationship. Weave love, sex, and romance into the fabric of your daily lives and see the difference
To keep your relationship healthy and affair proof you have to feel passionately about your partner. In a healthy relationship passion and excitement should always be alive. You have to learn to keep the flame of passion alive in the two of you for a long and enduring relationship.
Nagging is the biggest enemy of happy and healthy relationships. Studies have revealed that men can suffer from hypertension, stress and other psychological problems because of nagging. Nagging can never be the solution to any problem. There are better ways to get your work done and make your par.
By spending more time together you will get to resolve problems between the two of you better. All that your relationship requires is togetherness and comfort from one another. Try to be together and spend quality time on weekends. Go for picnics or watch a movie together once in a while. Take your partner out for dinner at least twice a month. Once in a year you should go on a vacation.
Last but not the least a healthy relationship demands sacrifice to a certain level. Relationships are based on sacrifice and compromise by both the partners.
Are you suffering from stress? Is stress affecting your relationship? You might find it difficult to answer there questions because sometimes stress affects your relationship so bad that you don’t even come to know of it until its too late. Sometimes stress affects you so bad that though you feel that your actions (like snapping at your partner, shouting at your kid, not being able to take interest in household activity etc) are justified, you do not realize that these actions will harm your relationship.
Many people like solitude when they are feeling stressed. You might feel that you need this space but your partner could easily take this separation as a lack of desire to be around him. This can lead to problems in your relationship and if not handled this situation properly, stress can lead a much serious tragedy. Therefore you need to identify the problem affecting you and not let stress affect your relationship. Make sure you’re keeping your emotions in check with these tips.
If you’re feeling like you’re being a little more negative than usual and you are snapping at people without genuine reason, then its stress that’s making you do so. During such a time its better that you do not do or say anything harsh. The last thing you want to do is make your partner feel like you don’t enjoy being around him or that your feelings are dwindling. It may be too late to take back something you’ve said, but you can at least stop to explain why it happened.
Make sure you’re spending appropriate time on each area of your life. Don’t spend all your time at work, and don’t load up all your free time with activities. You should learn to balance work and family. Both need your undivided attention. So do justice to both. If someone asks if you are available to do something, never plan something that will interfere with your previously scheduled dates.
Remember in order to have a healthy relationship it is very important that you regularly spend sometime together with your partner privately. Go on a picnic or to a movie or a quite dinner together and this routine should never stop. If you have children, you should also add days for spending time just with your children. If you are a very busy person then coordinate dates with your partner so your schedule doesn’t conflict. Make it a priority to spend at least two days a month with your partner outside, away from your daily life, doing something.
In the bigger scheme of things it doesn’t matter the things you’ve accomplished, but rather how you felt while accomplishing them. It doesn’t matter if you’ve made it to the top of your company if you don’t enjoy life. When you feel the ebbs of stress creeping up your neck, just take a deep breath and relax. Think of all the good things around you and all the love that your family has showered on you and this will help you overcome all the stress in your life.
Alcoholism is a universal phenomenon. Down the centuries, numberless women across the globe have been coping with husbands who come home drunk, bash their wives and children and make everyone’s life miserable. However surprisingly most women timidly adjust to their husbands’ ways rather than raising their voices in protest. Maybe they have their own difficulties and ways of dealing with the problem but if your alcoholic husband is abusing you then it is time that you put an end to this evil and fight courageously against this addiction and save you and your family.
Within the four walls of homes, the violence against women is quite high. Domestic violence against is widely prevalent, but has remained largely invisible. Statistics reveal that 45% of Indian women are slapped, kicked or beaten by their husbands. (ICRW 2002) .32% had committed acts of violence against their pregnant wives. Every 60 minutes a woman dies in India due to domestic violence. Women accept violence because social norms sanction them. At the same time, cultural conditioning and economic dependence prevent the vast majority of women leaving their marital homes. Though there is criminal law to prevent domestic violence, the recent civil law “Protection of women from Domestic Violence” is aimed at providing relief, compensation and support to a woman.
Your husband or partner commits any of the following acts of violence against you or your child
Remember the Govt recently enacted Domestic Violence Act.
Control Room 02025657171, 02025671962
Women’s Grievances Redressal Cell 020-25666064